I loved her then. I love her now. I'll keep loving her.

I stand by her side, as a friend now. Give her a piggy-back up a hill - as a friend. We talk - and I'm a friend.

I tell her how much I'm still in love with her. Why? I've lost her forever, but I still say it. And she doesn't even get it. Sure, she says she understands. She doesn't get that the best of my life has been with her. The best part of my days are if I see her, or talk to her. She doesn't seem to get that her texts ALWAYS make me smile.

I listen to happy music to try to keep my mind off of her, but it never works. I drink myself to sleep every night but wake up feeling just the same.

I want what I will never again have. But I can't just cut it off and never speak to her, never see her... I want to be friends if it means it's that or nothing at all. I want to see her happy - see her smile. Only way to do that is be her friend and support her with her... boyfriend.

I loved her then... But didn't "get it". I didn't understand how truly happy I was. Figured it was just puppy love maybe, something easy. Nah... Took me not even a day after losing her to learn that my happiness she gave to me was true.

So, I'll keep loving her. I'll keep my mouth shut from now on. I'll smile when she accidentally bumps into me, or when I give her a piggy back and act as if it means nothing to me. When in reality, just making eye contact with her makes me melt. Every smile, every touch, everything she is... Ruins me. But I love it. I love her.

So I'll remain as strong as I possibly can. I'll take this as a test of doing something I've never done - give up on what my heart wants. I just hope one day, whenever it may be, she wakes up, and finally "gets it" like I finally do. But I don't get my hopes up.

Sorry - this situation has been eating me alive.